Someone’s opinion about you doesn’t have to become your reality
This is a quote, I took years to make me believe. My mood would be upset always for a comment that others made on me unlike the fact that they know nothing about me. I would sit and think, think and to the extent of overthink that If I would end up becoming like one as their opinion. I realised the fact that at the age of 22–23 it is expected to have some emotional stability. Here when I say emotional stability I mean or in my definition it is an ability to trust, to believe in oneself in one’s own decision with firmness. I knew I lacked in emotional stability because somewhere I had no trust in me. For my entire life I always had a hope for things to happen. Nothing was planned priorilly but was just the matter of hope with little prayers.
When I was working as a tutor for the span of 3 years starting from 2015–2018, I was touched by one of a beautiful story written in English text book of 5th standard and I guess the chapter name was “When daddy was a little boy” where a grandmother was telling story to a little boy about his own daddy. Summarizing the story, it was all like the daddy wanted to become whomever he sees. He wanted to become watchman because as per daddy he has right to make noise when everybody is sleeping, then he tends to become an ice-cream man because if he came an ice-cream man, he could have a cart and eat all the ice-cream he wanted to. This doesn’t ends here. Then he saw a dog scratching behind his ear with his foot and soon he wanted to be like a dog.
That was the time I got the gesture that not only daddy even I am like him. When I saw a computer Engineer I wanted to be like them, when I saw a C.A. I wanted to be like them and when a journalist I wanted to be like them. Somewhere I managed to take commerce in 11th standard not because I had less marks but probably I prioritize the words of others. Not once but always. It happened with me throughout from school to graduation till my post-graduation. I started believing every opinion and perceptions thrown at me. Somewhere I knew wasn’t that what they say but I also never trusted me. But all of a sudden I read something written by Oscar Wilde and it goes like “If you want to be a grocer, or a general, or a politician, or a judge, you will invariably become it; that is your punishment. If you never know what you want to be , if you live what some might call the dynamic life but what I will call the artistic life, if each day you are unsure of who you are and what you know you will never become anything and that is your reward.” And yeah I got it. I was clean and clear leading an Artististic life which probably you with many others call it a dynamic life. It is okay! To the people whom we are trying to convince are never bothered and why do we make them sit and listen to our explanation.
At a very tender age I heard somebody calling me ugly, growing up it seriously affected me. If there is any boy whom I get attached to and they say ‘NO’ to be attached back then I would end up believing that the sole reason behind being rejected was I being UGLY. Just because the voice I heard somebody calling me ugly at a tender age was so loud than somebody telling me “Hey, I love your eyes and your soulful heart’. The seeds sown inside me is not my mistake but pouring water on the seed sown inside me despite of knowing that this seed is going to be a poisonous plant , when it grew it will ruin me can turn to be my Catch 22. I don’t know if I was late to realize it at the age of 23 but all I was aware it is somebody’s opinion about me is not and never my reality. It is the beauty of my eyes to look the world, it is the beauty of my heart to accept the world is all my reality.
Tomsy Thomas
